She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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