Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
