Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
