Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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