He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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