Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
