i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
