he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
