you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
