You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
