My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
