I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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