Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
