I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
