He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
