So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
