:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
