she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
