Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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