Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
