Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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