my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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