thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found the puke drawer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Randomize
