There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
