If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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