ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
