We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
