Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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