to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Congratulations! We have a period
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