hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
