I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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