And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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