Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
