Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
