I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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