Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
