HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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