Jerry, you need to find god
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
