No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
