I am puke
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
