Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
