I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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