Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
