Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
