how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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