You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
