Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize