I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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