can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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