I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
