I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
