i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
