How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
