a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
